The Minimalist Diary

So it is indeed true that when you feel it, there would be no sign when and why are you feeling it. Depression could kill as they say. But in as of writing, I'm not thinking about it. I'm still thinking. My brain still remembers what I had promised, Never Again. It has been a rough month for me. Going the same routine day by day. I want to do something but I don't know what that is. I want to have something ( my dream house ) but I know my resources can't purchase it yet. I want to be somewhere, somewhere I felt loved and belong and I know exactly where it was. I am suffocated in this area, can't even have the courage to see the sun rise like I used to when I'm at somewhere I consider home even if it wasn't mine by title. How low can I feel more? I have things and features somebody out there would want to have but I'm not happy anymore. I lost my every plan on what to do everyday, like I haven't set any goals. Or I have but can't execute

"Being taught to be grateful has changed my life drastically." I added to my morning routine few months ago the concept of 'morning pages'. At first, it's really hard to fill up those empty pages every morning and the test is to stay positive, determined and hopeful. It was hard to begin with because you tend to think about all the task you had for the day, the tasks you haven't done yesterday, the big tasks you haven't done in time, your tight schedule and worst, you lack that motivation to do them all. It was on the channel of Amy Landino where I first seen this. Tried it the next morning right away. Morning pages is so refreshing! It actually changes the way you see things that is coming. It gives you hope and life! So let me do a 'kwento' why I am writing this one. I woke up this morning at around 4am. It is the day I wish the night was longer enough to prepare me on what's coming next in my life. Judgment Day. The result

"The journey wasn't easy.. and there is no shortcut towards success!" I am contemplating whether I'll make this or just post the photos we took instead of making it a blog banner. I can't hardly remember everything and that's the truth. Meanwhile, the experience of taking up the actual board is meaningful. The BUS/VAN-Lag sucks including the heat that came with it, the room hunting,the sleepless nights, the pressure and disappointments as well as the adventures. I'd like to narrate what I felt while on it but seriously, I had a selected amnesia right after. Haha. So let's begin from the beginning. I wasn't feeling well at all. I was sick for weeks being unable to attend 4 subjects in the Preweek schedule. Despite being sick, I managed to catch up on things slowly. Great thing we are a week ahead from other review centers in the country, thus we are given another 4 days to prepare for the actual board. I had to admit that I'm not conf

"I am in competition with no one because I have myself to compete with." People nowadays always tries to impress. They value the opinion of others more than their own voices. They take everything so seriously like they don't have control with their own minds. We often get affected by what we saw on social media, often forget that life on it is "perfect" and far from the reality. Yes, I am also guilty on that. Most people labeled me as a 'social media addict' and well, I won't deny it. It's part of my life since I was in 1st year college. Nobody knows how this thing is giving me life. Nobody knows how just tuning in everything that's happening is paying the bill. Nobody knows how everything that was posted is giving me energy and reason to still live on. And yes I was labeled a 'social media addict' on the negative side. Funny, how this people can't reach my voice even if I'm on it all day. Everyone thinks I'm an

"I am an educator, not an influencer." When you say influencer, they follow your steps, used the product you indorse and do what you do as they see how you do it and that's not good after all. They don't value authenticity. They just copy you because they believe it is what is good and right for them too. On the other hand, being an educator is on another level. You yourself enhances your own knowledge. Just like how teachers attended seminars, workshops or enroll in a Masteral Degree to enhance their knowledge before implementing it to their students. Being an educator is a responsibilty, a responsibility to learn, to implement in yourself and to educate others. It took me years before I discover what I want to become. It took me years before I learned what I want to do in life. Years of being unknown, of doing what other's told me to do so or what everyone else is doing. I wasn't popular but I am contented with the lives I am touching because of my

What if someone who poisons your spirit is someone you badly wants to be close with? I am affected. I couldn't help it. I want an explanation, an assurance rather. The same issue bothers me and the same name keeps on waking up the negative person I put into grave a long time ago. I thought I am guarded. I can handle another issue, but the same intensity of pain is knocking me down. I tried to avoid overthinking, because the answers to my questions are yet to be answered. I don't have the means to ask. All I have to do is to wait until he comes back and I wish when that day came, I am okay, I had forgotten already what was bothering me today. I'd like to choose the same person everyday. In order for a relationship to last, you have to put your trust even if the circumstances tell you to do otherwise I am giving my benefit of the doubt in him since I saw all the efforts and sacrifices. I saw the sincerity and care. I am treated the way I want to and deserved to. D

"Do you have cheerleaders or dream stealers around you?" The question that catches my attention as I was having my usual Morning Pages routine. It was just last night that I received a message containing a question that I don't know but it irritates me. I consider her a friend, one of my fave companion but at some point she drains me, she is just so full of negativity that an optimist like me would like to repel. We are like a magnet of an opposite side, our thoughts could not meet because we refuse to find ways to meet in the end. So how do we befriend with an opposite person as our personality ? I used to be an open book with folded pages. As much as possible, I want my friends to feel that I include them in my life. But where do we draw the lines? Is it just okay if you tell a friend about your dream (that you kept for yourself for so long) and then the next day, everyone knows that it is HIS Dream? Is it just okay if you tell a friend about a plan/ide

10 Helpful Minimalism Guidelines By Break The Twitch 1. Does not cost you money. Just focus on decluttering. You don't need to buy those things you've seen on Scandinavian Minimalist Magazines or own by Minimalist Youtubers. 2. Dynamic, Not Static . Your Minimalism style could change over time. Let it evolve. 3. Declutter first, Organize second. Don't organize what you can throw away. 4. Don't let things get in the way. Remove things that you don't need and stop the inflow/hiring things that you don't need. 5. No number of items that you need to acquire, gain or own. Stop obsessing over numbers (e.g maintaining a 100-items) to be a Minimalist. Just maintain what you love and what you need. 6. Experience/Things Some believes that a minimalist should pay for experiences than things but studies shows that both are keys towards happiness. 7. Self-confidence Know your self-worth by removing your attachment to things. 8. Decision Musc

Ang dami-dami kong gustong gawin ngunit napakaikli na lang ng panahon. Nariyang hindi lang sarili ko ang kelangan kong isipin kundi ang mga taong nakasandal saakin pagdating ng panahon na ako'y marunong ng maghanapbuhay. Ayoko magpalamon sa bugso ng sanlibutan. Gusto ko lang ng balanseng pamumuhay. Yung nagagawang gumising para magtrabaho, maglingkod sa Panginoong Diyos at magkaroon ng panahon para sa sarili kong pamilya ng hindi isinasantabi ang aking tungkulin bilang breadwinner sa aming pamilya. Ang hirap isipin. Gustuhin ko mang buuin at makamit ang mga nasa isipan ko'y pagiging makasarili ang kahahantungan. Ang hirap. Ang hirap lalo pa't ngayon pa lang alam ko ng hindi sapat ang panahon para iukol sa sarili ko at sa pamilya ko. Maghahangad pa ba akong bumuo ng sarili kong pamilya? Gayo'y ako lamang at ang aking pamilya ay napakabigat na. Wala pa. Pero ramdam ko na. Hanggang saan nga ba ang limitasyon ng pagiging BREADWINNER? Pagnakapagpatapos na ng kapat

It has been a rough week for me. I shed so many tears, heartaches, pain and disappointments. I tried my very best to remain tough and kind but to an extent, I'm still human. I am weak. Thankfully, my faith in him is stronger than my emotions. Saturday. I ruin my own schedule. Originally, I had to attend to a duty early in the morning but to my surprise, I'm not well when I woke up. Hours later, I'm in a lot of pain already. Then it hit me. It's the time of the month already. Happily accepted my situation and feeling thankful it came right in time but I had to endure the pain. But then the pain becomes unbearable. I cried and prayed to ease the pain but I already suspected that this is another condition other than simply dysmenorrhea. Let's skip that part where I confirmed my expectations. Accepted the condition my OB told me, I decided to come into my senses and do what I gotta do like nothing happened. Internally, I'm breaking and scared. Of course

Someday, I'll have someone I can call a bestfriend other than just a boyfriend. Someday, I will have someone to tell the world I'm his girl. Someday, I'll have someone who gonna post my day with our hands interwined. Someday, I'll have someone whose DP is my fave selfie. Someday, I will have someone who'll tease me too in public on how much he is proud to have me as his girl. Someday, I will have someone who will also call me as his "Panata". And someday, I will have that happiness that I deserve too. It's never too late for a happy romance. Just be patient Ash. :) You'll have yours.

1st of July. Tweet Post: "I'm not okay." Sometimes admitting that you're sad, you're not totally fine and you're hurting is helping. Sometimes you have to remember that you are flawed, you are human and you make mistakes. For the past days, I'm scared. No regrets, just scared. And I wish, I have the courage to tell someone. I would like to talk to my Ate Carla but I'm thinking maybe she's tired and she doesn't have time but would like to try. At least. I'm scared, not because I'm afraid of the judgments of people around me but of the consequences I would face once it was real. And I hate to admit it was a mistake. Now, I'm all alone in my own misery. Alone because nobody cares coz nobody knows. I'm still scared. I'm still doubtful. I'm still damaged. And I'm still crying myself at night until I get to sleep. It was hard. So hard to promote self-love and self-care when you're still in the proces

1. Open the windows and Tie the curtains. Its a lot better to feel the fresh air first thing in the morning and to let the light from the outside enter your room fully. 2. Drink a glass of water. It awakens your body and soul and your digestion. 3. Make your bed. A messy bed gets into your head. 4. Clear out your desk. It doesn't mean that you have to keep your bedside table/study table/work table empty but you have to organize your table by keeping your papers, pens, highlighters and others into their place. May it be inside an envelope or a folder and inside the pencil case. This is very easy to do but sometimes people think its complicated. If you mastered this, you save your suppose-to-be messy day! 5. Look around and put things into their places. Maybe you forgot to fold that sheets last night after changing. Maybe your pair of socks is everywhere. Maybe you forgot to hang your bathroom towel and that dress you wore yesterday because of too much tiredness. 6. Go out

So I'm sharing with you my Minimalist Items, my Basic Bags. Years ago, I started collecting Ladies Bags only because of the idea of "I am now a Business Student. I need those bags for my Corporate Attire days!" Turns out I realized those bags will not last until I graduated. Five years after, I'm regretting the amount of money I spend on those purchases. Like they are Branded! Huhu. Now, I realize I ONLY NEED this 3 Items to save my everyday look. As you can see, I have this Black leather Backpack that I love the most. I use them when going to my review and its capacity and space just reminded me that I only need a few things to bring with me. If I was the old me, a Travel Backpack is what is best to bring because I have lot of things I would bring with me only to realize I didn't use much of them. I only bring a powder and lipstick instead of a pouch full of makeups to take up most of time retouching in the bathroom, a handpack of tissue and a small c

So I am practicing the Inbox Zero for like 2 months now and I can say that it is so much well and organized than before. I only left those things I can hardly memorize or just in case, someone bluff me that they send me something I really don't know, I have a proof. It was not easy on the 1st month because I admit I'm a hoarder of sweet messages and memorable conversation with everyone in my social network but I had to let go. After then, I had realized that the most important things/events/memories remains within you. You don't have to read it again and again just to feel what you've felt once you read them. I can still feel them once I remembered them. And sometimes, deleting your old messages HEAL. Yes, some of them are from acquiantances,old friends and ex-lovers. I'd love to read those messages because I was hoping I could still rebuild the relationships. There were regrets and pains after reminiscing the exact moment I received them but once I decided to

So over the years, I had an obsession with long wallets and coin purses. I have this urge to look for them whenever I'll go in a department store. Most of my travels includes purchasing a coin purse embedded the name of the region. Unknowingly, I already got a collection of wallets and coin purses in different colors and sizes. This is actually my self-challenge for the last 3 months - to NEVER Purchase one. It's really hard for me since I live in the city where all the malls and department stores are just nearby. I think it is the idea of having money that leads me into this purchases. At the moment, I keep this two with me. It's either I will have the coin purse or the wallet depending on my agenda for the day. They are so classy and neutral. My kind of taste that I already decluttered the colorful ones. It also fits my cards and bills and I usually flip my phone inside the wallet in between.

I'm writing this after tears. I'm writing this inspired by Ms. Andii Rodriguez after watching her latest vid regarding mental health. No, I am not triggered by the vid. I AM A SURVIVOR. A survivor only few knows about this journey. I can count exactly 6 people who knows about this, only the trusted ones for its sensitivity and for my own privacy. Yes. I am the strong, independent and smart woman of today. And still on the process of accepting all my past insecurities, doubts and pain. Only few knows how a simple break-up triggers the foundation of my being to a total breakdown. It was in year 2015 when I finally admitted that I am suffering from depression. It was also in February 2017 where I get myself to a hospital due to severe bleeding and had my check up, only to found out I was sick. I lost all my control. It was like my life is that bricks in Jingga, one wrong pull and it all break down into pieces. And this blog was made intended to heal myself. To be

Enough "I know my worth. I know my self-value. Things I can tolerate and can't tolerate."- Julia Barreto. I came to this point where I know I just can't let it go easily but I'm tired suddenly. It has been months of all the joyous and happy moments that we've been together and I know I made the right decision of letting myself fall in love to this guy. I am happy, contented and I felt loved, once again. I've given my trust because he earns it and I committed myself, once more. Things I thought would never happened again after Rhenzo. But here we are, we're okay. Okay to the point that we know we're in love. We're on the right timing and approved. Not until today. Not until I felt like I once again being taken-for-granted for being so forgivable. Nakakagago. It's been months since I last blog and all was good. As you can see I'm doing well. But I am not perfect. I have a temper to control, I have  issues within myself,

I'm drowning into the feeling. And I hate it! It feels suffocating and absurd that one day, I'll have to let it go again. I am feeling lonely right now. Embracing myself because no one would be there to do that for me. I want to be strong but I'm missing him so badly. Its been weeks, and only a week triggers already my fears. I didn't know since when did I develop this kind of fear but I'm afraid for myself. Just how can you feel broken when you are loved ? With all my honesty I gave my heart,AGAIN. And I'm dying inside to how am I able to ever do that again. When I thought I had enough self-love to be selfish enough, he proved me wrong that I couldn't give love more than I thought I could ever be. Just when I thought I was strong enough to control my emotions, I became weak when I'm around him. I'm starting to think he's wearing my adrenaline rush every single time. This is just the beginning. There will be more days where my t

So I'm taking a short break for a while here bcoz I got this 'new' thing as well from a friend. Taraaaaaaaaaaannn!!! Thank you Bibi Jai for this. :* So ito nga, I'm so excited and overwhelmed as well when she handed me this journal we long waited since we barely see each other. Nakakapressure mga bes! 😅 Way too big than expected. Haha. So I already planned what to write on this since I got tons of emails coming up and I only read the ones that catches my eyes first. Yeah, that's how it goes. I got this subscriptions from sites of my interests like health and fitness, relationship building, uhm.. decluttering and organizing which is one of my favorites already since I'm embracing minimalism and of course, by far my most serious I think, Stock trading. Yep. I am into it BUT I'm not yet literally trading. I'm still learning about it. And speaking of, I already created another gmail account for those kind of emails but I haven't move it

Okay. So I've been watching lots of videos on youtube lately and it seems like I'm finding something that would perfectly fit my personality and would boost me to change. To change into someone better, smarter and more practical. Good thing I came to this channel that talks about simplicity without being a slave or looking so 'kawawa'. It talks about how you can still look elegant and classy with the basic pieces you have in your closet, how simplicity at the same time feminism on a spacious area can be a good thing, how decluttering is so important, it also teaches how to make better choices when it comes to purchasing and how keeping a little quantity of things can do your life a great change. I'm hooked up by this channel and I love everything that I'm seeing. So I guess, this would be my goal for this year. Thanks @simplevictoria_ for inspiring this change. :* Wish me luck and soon let's see what this new life 'theme' can do to my living

Worrying is believing that God won't get it right. ‪Learn to trust God even when you don't understand Him. ‬ I can still remember how I questioned his power and righteousness before when I lose in an academic contest. I feel the pang in my chest,the hard breathing and angst towards all the possibilities of winning he didn't gave my victory. I am bitter. Now after gaining the confidence I work for years and rebuilding the faith I once lost, everything has changed. From the way I think things would turn out to be up to accepting things when it turns out to be the other way around, far from what I expected it would be. I'm feeling down from time to time. Sometimes I even forget why am I doing this. Always asking myself on how long I could still stand strong. That times when I just want to lounge in my bed and had all the day being there, doing nothing. And when I least expected, surprises came up. That is when I realized my faith is still on question. How many tim

Words are powerful. It can either make you or it can break you. Whatever the results may be, it affects. I'm observant. Sometimes I hate it, bc of what I could conclude thereafter. When I started feeling 'Sh*t' in other people's life, I withdraw. A defense mechanism I build up so no too much expectation, less pain once betrayed and disappointed. However, I tend to ignore little things that adds up and turn into big things purposely. For the reason of testing, I sometimes take the risk and still believe that the end result is worth taking the risk. My life is nowhere near to perfection but I value most the inner peace I earned. It's quite tempting and annoying at times when I just want the society to rule my life but being a faithful servant of God almost all of my life, it teaches me the value of controlling my personal interest on the society's trend and whereabouts versus simply what is 'right'. I have read somewhere that says "It is

Just when I feel lonely and sad, a video message pop from the one who never fails to make my Valentines extra special. I didn't know if it means something but I don't want to ask. I guess he has already forgiven me for letting go, the way I have forgiven him for hurting me. Our Baby Jiro is now a grown up. How fast time flies. It is just yesterday when I can still remember myself wishing for that child to be carried by my body. How I stupidly wish it was me who he would father my child. I know that until this day, I still wish for that. I still wish that Jiro is mine. Not bcoz I want him back but bcoz I love that child dearly I would accept him. Thank you for the chance, to atleast I know I am not forgotten, I'm no more hated and I am loved. Sooner, I would be very glad to hug and kiss that child again. How I miss him calling me 'Tita Mommy' and how my hate melted down when I carried him in my own hands and arms. Thank you Sungit. Hope to see you both soon

Am I being selfish again ?? I know I should've not be feeling this way but all I could think of is, .. something is off. The need for security is overflowing I could not contain. On the second thought of posting this entry for I know you might read this and went into something I'm afraid to happen but then, for my sanity, I found myself randomly writing without the aid of Notes. I want to say A LOT of things but I just can't. How I want to ask you "What about me when you're away?". How I need you to tell me "I'm coming back at you." but at the back of my head I'm shutting my thoughts thinking "No. There will never be that kind of assurance. When he comes back, he comes back and when he don't, then move on with your life. You're a Big Girl now." My thoughts are keeping me insane but I couldn't stop it. You made me feel like everything will be just fine when you're away from me forgetting that

"Let me be weak this time." When all I could think of is 'How?' When all I wanted to do is to 'Cry!' But what is I needed to do is to keep going. I hate how in so little time I let myself drown into this feeling, now I can't handle it myself. Just the thought of you makes me weak. Just the thought of you makes me question my own capabilities. Just the thought of you leaving makes me vulnerable to pain. The 'goodbyes' will always be the hardest, but the 'Letting go' phase will always be the painful. The only way out is not to care, at all . The expense of letting myself get into this thing is my own heart. When I know it's still weak yet I risk it once and for all. Did I make the right choice? When it feels so wrong at the moment? When signs tells me .. I shouldn't pursue this furthermore. Once and for all, this is my fault. For being so needy and ambitious enough to wish for a man who could treat me right.

2am It will still be him. It will still be him whom I will rant to every end of a drastic class. It will still be him whom I will text when I'm hungry. It will still be him whom I will tell EVERYTHING that comes into my mind when things are being so hard that I am losing my control. I didn't just lose a boyfriend but a BESTFRIEND I could tell everything even when he's too tired from an all day practice, photoshoots and managing of stuffs. It is just today when after how many years of not being together when I can finally say "I'm over him and the ONLY thing I want/miss is our FRIENDSHIP." I conclude it is not that really a good idea to fall in love with your bestfriend. You could lose everything in a snap. However, it is magical. In so many years that we are teasing and bullying each other, we admitted how more than a friendship kind of feeling ever existed. Time heals. And its a good lesson, after all. The only thing I wish for is "Sana

Worrying is believing that God won't get it right. ‪Learn to trust God even when you don't understand Him. ‬ I can still remember how I questioned his power and righteousness before when I lose in an academic contest. I feel the pang in my chest,the hard breathing and angst towards all the possibilities of winning but he didn't gave my victory. I am bitter . Bitter to the point of cursing him and promising to stop serving him. And I regret that after. He made me realize a lot of things. From small to the great things I have in my life right now, he made me realized how better his plan will always be than mine. He is the creator who already prepared the blueprint for you before you could actually decided to build a house.

So I've come to the point where interacting with people becomes a noise in living my life peacefully. I've been wondering since the 1st day of 2018 what I want to achieve this year, what significant change I could do to make a better and peaceful living. Honestly, I don't want to bring this up already, to just let go but I couldn't get rid of this feelings I think I'm about to explode. I'm such a coward yet I know my decisions is always the right  thing to do. I don't want to live my life the way others live it. I am not them so I decided to just stand by it knowing I would be judged. It was hard when you know people will throw bad comments towards you but I believe it is not my obligation to please them. In consequence of being authentic and 'KJ' in their eyes, I lose their respect. At first, I don't really mind but I've come to the point where I couldn't tolerate them already. I will not let them get comfortable dispecting