Vulnerable

"Let me be weak this time."

When all I could think of is 'How?'
When all I wanted to do is to 'Cry!'

But what is I needed to do is to keep going.

I hate how in so little time I let myself drown into this feeling, now I can't handle it myself.

Just the thought of you makes me weak.
Just the thought of you makes me question my own capabilities.
Just the thought of you leaving makes me vulnerable to pain.

The 'goodbyes' will always be the hardest, but the 'Letting go' phase will always be the painful.

The only way out is not to care, at all.
The expense of letting myself get into this thing is my own heart.
When I know it's still weak yet I risk it once and for all.

Did I make the right choice?
When it feels so wrong at the moment?
When signs tells me .. I shouldn't pursue this furthermore.

Once and for all, this is my fault.
For being so needy and ambitious enough to wish for a man who could treat me right.

I'm drifting away, again.
Saving my own sanity I risk into this thing.
My head is still spinning, forgot to mention I got into a deep conversation last night with a trusted friend.

It still a good thing I was able to keep a friend like him whom I could talk to in times like this.

Whatever happen, I just wish I'm still whole after this. When I'm slowly cracking into pieces, into a pit hole I dug for myself.