The Minimalist Diary

2am It will still be him. It will still be him whom I will rant to every end of a drastic class. It will still be him whom I will text when I'm hungry. It will still be him whom I will tell EVERYTHING that comes into my mind when things are being so hard that I am losing my control. I didn't just lose a boyfriend but a BESTFRIEND I could tell everything even when he's too tired from an all day practice, photoshoots and managing of stuffs. It is just today when after how many years of not being together when I can finally say "I'm over him and the ONLY thing I want/miss is our FRIENDSHIP." I conclude it is not that really a good idea to fall in love with your bestfriend. You could lose everything in a snap. However, it is magical. In so many years that we are teasing and bullying each other, we admitted how more than a friendship kind of feeling ever existed. Time heals. And its a good lesson, after all. The only thing I wish for is "Sana

Worrying is believing that God won't get it right. ‪Learn to trust God even when you don't understand Him. ‬ I can still remember how I questioned his power and righteousness before when I lose in an academic contest. I feel the pang in my chest,the hard breathing and angst towards all the possibilities of winning but he didn't gave my victory. I am bitter . Bitter to the point of cursing him and promising to stop serving him. And I regret that after. He made me realize a lot of things. From small to the great things I have in my life right now, he made me realized how better his plan will always be than mine. He is the creator who already prepared the blueprint for you before you could actually decided to build a house.

So I've come to the point where interacting with people becomes a noise in living my life peacefully. I've been wondering since the 1st day of 2018 what I want to achieve this year, what significant change I could do to make a better and peaceful living. Honestly, I don't want to bring this up already, to just let go but I couldn't get rid of this feelings I think I'm about to explode. I'm such a coward yet I know my decisions is always the right  thing to do. I don't want to live my life the way others live it. I am not them so I decided to just stand by it knowing I would be judged. It was hard when you know people will throw bad comments towards you but I believe it is not my obligation to please them. In consequence of being authentic and 'KJ' in their eyes, I lose their respect. At first, I don't really mind but I've come to the point where I couldn't tolerate them already. I will not let them get comfortable dispecting