The Minimalist Diary

 My motor skills are now betraying me.  Nakakapanghina. I have never been this scared until now. I don't know what I might can do in the future. I had an episode last week during my google meet with a foreign client last tuesday. I really had to pull myself together until the end of the conversation but end up crying until morning. I got scolded for not comprehending so well. It's like something inside my brain burst. I had no control over what to think next. I had been blubbering trying to stay connected even when I don't understand anymore what I am saying. I thought I am being okay now. I have something to do. I'm being busy productive and tired to get occupied. But why??? I am trying to stay alive. I am really trying to live life but it is getting harder with this thing getting inside my head. I thought I am getting better for functioning well but today ... today I made a mistake. With shaking hands, uncontrollable feelings or whatever this is.. all I can think of i

Ang lungkot naman. Pagod narin naman kaming lahat pero wala kang choice kundi lumaban. I'm doing my best,really. But I felt like ito nlng ako. Hanggang ganito nalang siguro ako. These emotions inside me is destroying me. Pagod na akong maging malungkot. Pagod na akong umiyak gabi gabi. Pagod narin akong gumising araw araw at magpatuloy na parang walang nangyari kagabi.  Pinipilit kong bumangon. Pinipilit kong lumaban. Pinipilit kong maniwala. Pero bakit ang hirap? Bakit di ko magawang maging masaya? Ano bang naging kasalanan ko para pagdaanan ko to?! Grabe naman po Amang pagsubok to,parang di na natatapos? Lahat na nawawala. Ni wala akong maiyakan,masabihan kasi wala rin naman makakaintindi. Ama, naging mabuting hinirang naman po ako. Sinunod ko lahat ng utos nyo. Sumusunod din ako sa magulang ko. Pero bakit ganun po? Bakit parang ang hirap hirap maging masaya? Ang tagal kong inipon yung lakas ng loob at kumpiyansa sa sarili para lang makarating ako sa kung anong estado ng buhay me