The Minimalist Diary

 I don't know how a short video of a friend can trigger this emotion inside of me ... envy. I am happy for her,really, but I'm wishing I could experience the same. I'm wishing I'm in a normal relationship too right now and I hate it. I hate it because I am feeling guilty of what I am feeling right now.🥺 Is it really too much to ask for more,to demand for more than I could deserve? Because I am trying .. I really am trying to understand the situation but I am having doubts already. The consistency is gone. It was like I am in a relationship but it felt lonely I am better off alone and single. Hays. I thought this feelings were gone already. I was wrong. I just kept on justifying his actions. Maybe I should think harder this time. I am having doubts. I am having second thoughts. I am starting to feel something I shouldn't have .. regrets. It felt like I am wasting my time spending it to someone who doesn't value me as much as I value him. It felt like I am loving

For years, I have pushed the idea at the back of my mind simply because I am ALWAYS considering someone in making my life decisions.But what if all this time, I do not matter in his life? What if ako lang yung laging willing to adjust and magtiis sa sitwasyon? WHY AM I DISAPPOINTED? Dumating nnaman ba ako sa puntong ginawa kong mundo yung dapat ay tao lang? Pero hindi e. Feeling ko naman nadala na ako.Feeling ko naman may buhay ako outside the relationship. I am just this disappointed kasi hindi ako pinigilan. Hindi ko alam kung pareho lang ba kaming takot kasi iniiwasan namin yung topic ng 'kasal'. We always thought about having kids but not marriage. Pero okay nadin siguro yun. Para di ako mg expect at umasa diba? With all the pressures that is around right now, my mother wanting to have grandkids and my neighbourhood and acquaintances asking if when will I get married? Atleast I get to know tonight that THERE IS NO PLAN. Can I move on now? Haha. Siguro yun yung best to do. N