The Minimalist Diary

Okay. So I've been watching lots of videos on youtube lately and it seems like I'm finding something that would perfectly fit my personality and would boost me to change. To change into someone better, smarter and more practical. Good thing I came to this channel that talks about simplicity without being a slave or looking so 'kawawa'. It talks about how you can still look elegant and classy with the basic pieces you have in your closet, how simplicity at the same time feminism on a spacious area can be a good thing, how decluttering is so important, it also teaches how to make better choices when it comes to purchasing and how keeping a little quantity of things can do your life a great change. I'm hooked up by this channel and I love everything that I'm seeing. So I guess, this would be my goal for this year. Thanks @simplevictoria_ for inspiring this change. :* Wish me luck and soon let's see what this new life 'theme' can do to my living

Worrying is believing that God won't get it right. ‪Learn to trust God even when you don't understand Him. ‬ I can still remember how I questioned his power and righteousness before when I lose in an academic contest. I feel the pang in my chest,the hard breathing and angst towards all the possibilities of winning he didn't gave my victory. I am bitter. Now after gaining the confidence I work for years and rebuilding the faith I once lost, everything has changed. From the way I think things would turn out to be up to accepting things when it turns out to be the other way around, far from what I expected it would be. I'm feeling down from time to time. Sometimes I even forget why am I doing this. Always asking myself on how long I could still stand strong. That times when I just want to lounge in my bed and had all the day being there, doing nothing. And when I least expected, surprises came up. That is when I realized my faith is still on question. How many tim

Words are powerful. It can either make you or it can break you. Whatever the results may be, it affects. I'm observant. Sometimes I hate it, bc of what I could conclude thereafter. When I started feeling 'Sh*t' in other people's life, I withdraw. A defense mechanism I build up so no too much expectation, less pain once betrayed and disappointed. However, I tend to ignore little things that adds up and turn into big things purposely. For the reason of testing, I sometimes take the risk and still believe that the end result is worth taking the risk. My life is nowhere near to perfection but I value most the inner peace I earned. It's quite tempting and annoying at times when I just want the society to rule my life but being a faithful servant of God almost all of my life, it teaches me the value of controlling my personal interest on the society's trend and whereabouts versus simply what is 'right'. I have read somewhere that says "It is

Just when I feel lonely and sad, a video message pop from the one who never fails to make my Valentines extra special. I didn't know if it means something but I don't want to ask. I guess he has already forgiven me for letting go, the way I have forgiven him for hurting me. Our Baby Jiro is now a grown up. How fast time flies. It is just yesterday when I can still remember myself wishing for that child to be carried by my body. How I stupidly wish it was me who he would father my child. I know that until this day, I still wish for that. I still wish that Jiro is mine. Not bcoz I want him back but bcoz I love that child dearly I would accept him. Thank you for the chance, to atleast I know I am not forgotten, I'm no more hated and I am loved. Sooner, I would be very glad to hug and kiss that child again. How I miss him calling me 'Tita Mommy' and how my hate melted down when I carried him in my own hands and arms. Thank you Sungit. Hope to see you both soon

Am I being selfish again ?? I know I should've not be feeling this way but all I could think of is, .. something is off. The need for security is overflowing I could not contain. On the second thought of posting this entry for I know you might read this and went into something I'm afraid to happen but then, for my sanity, I found myself randomly writing without the aid of Notes. I want to say A LOT of things but I just can't. How I want to ask you "What about me when you're away?". How I need you to tell me "I'm coming back at you." but at the back of my head I'm shutting my thoughts thinking "No. There will never be that kind of assurance. When he comes back, he comes back and when he don't, then move on with your life. You're a Big Girl now." My thoughts are keeping me insane but I couldn't stop it. You made me feel like everything will be just fine when you're away from me forgetting that

"Let me be weak this time." When all I could think of is 'How?' When all I wanted to do is to 'Cry!' But what is I needed to do is to keep going. I hate how in so little time I let myself drown into this feeling, now I can't handle it myself. Just the thought of you makes me weak. Just the thought of you makes me question my own capabilities. Just the thought of you leaving makes me vulnerable to pain. The 'goodbyes' will always be the hardest, but the 'Letting go' phase will always be the painful. The only way out is not to care, at all . The expense of letting myself get into this thing is my own heart. When I know it's still weak yet I risk it once and for all. Did I make the right choice? When it feels so wrong at the moment? When signs tells me .. I shouldn't pursue this furthermore. Once and for all, this is my fault. For being so needy and ambitious enough to wish for a man who could treat me right.