Unsecured

Am I being selfish again ??

I know I should've not be feeling this way but all I could think of is, ..

something is off.

The need for security is overflowing I could not contain.

On the second thought of posting this entry for I know you might read this and went into something I'm afraid to happen but then, for my sanity, I found myself randomly writing without the aid of Notes.

I want to say A LOT of things but I just can't. How I want to ask you "What about me when you're away?". How I need you to tell me "I'm coming back at you." but at the back of my head I'm shutting my thoughts thinking "No. There will never be that kind of assurance. When he comes back, he comes back and when he don't, then move on with your life. You're a Big Girl now."

My thoughts are keeping me insane but I couldn't stop it. You made me feel like everything will be just fine when you're away from me forgetting that I just lost someone before you came. I just bid my good bye to that someone when you came into my life.

And all I could do is .. Pray.

Pray for my own heart to be strong.

I should be. There's no any other choice.

I'm not doing it ever again.

You said earlier that "People who committed suicide are weak."

Well let me tell you this "They're those who are strong enough to face death."

You will never know unless you came into that point where you lost yourself and you don't know how to fix your miserable life.

5 Attempts

That is the number of times I desperately wanted to do it but my God wouldn't let me. He made me strong again after losing my faith in him.

I'm slowly drifting away again.

And that is for sure.

I'm sorry, I'm saving myself.

For I couldn't find that reason to hold on.

You just made me feel I'm the better option you're sticking around.

I used to be treated like this.

Take care of yourself, Ash.

The drama will not end in here.

It's just getting started.

Brace yourself from the most painful decision you're about to commit to.