The Minimalist Diary

Were too young to get stuck on such mature decision. But we have been. Being engage in a wrong relationship is such a big decision. I never consider what we had a big MISTAKE. We just felt LOVE and LOVE has never been wrong with the right person. The only thing that I regret is when I Let go of you. Letting you go and forcing you to marry her. I regret giving you a NO CHOICE but to consider marrying her. I just know at that moment that it is the right thing to do. But after listening to someone's story that kinda replicates what we had before made me regret, BIG TIME. I don't know. I'm confused. Did I really made the right decision? Or just make things WORSE for us? ARGH. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not a 19 year-old lady for being so serious with this regards. Who will not ? When everything that happened is not a joke! It's real and yet, I'm no longer that little girl who'll let a toy be given to someone when I feel like I don't like it anymore. Besi

Ilang buwan na mula ng huli akong nagsulat. Sobrang dami na ng nangyari pero pakiramdam ko pare-pareho lang naman. Walang special. Napakaordinary. Usual days kumbaga. Yung gigising ako ng mag-aalas dos ng umaga tapos tatanungin ko ang sarili ko, "tatawag kaya siya?" tapos marerealize ko, WALA NA NGA PALA SIYA. Aww. Nakakabaliw. SOBRA! Kasi gustuhin ko man paniwalain ang sarili ko na tapos na, ang plastik ko kung sasabihin kong hindi na ako umaasa. Andami na ding nagbago sakin. Una, mahaba na ang buhok ko. Dati-rati naman pagkaalumaabot na sa dibdib ko ay pinapaputol ko na agad. Hindi ako komportable sa mahabang buhok. Mainit. At alam mo yun. Ewan ko ba! Reklamo ako ng reklamo na mainit at mahirap imaintain pero di ko parin magawang ipaputol. Patunay na ang haba na din ng panahon ang ginugugol ko sa pag-iyak gabi-gabi at sa paghihintay ng tamang panahon para tuluyan na talagang maghilom yung sugat sa puso ko. Ikalawa, nawala na din yung gana kong mangarap. Dati-rati naman

Ang pagmomove-on daw ay paghihintay sa isang panahon na hindi mo alam kung kailan darating. Walang specific method. Walang definite date. Walang kasiguraduhan. Kaya sa mga taong nagsasabing KAARTEHAN nalang yan kung abutin ka pa ng taon sa pagmomove-on, siguro ay mababaw lang yung LOVE na naibigay niyo para sa isa't-isa para masabing madali lang ang pagmomove-on. Sabi nga rin sa Psychology class namin before, with a span of 3 weeks ay dapat moved on kana. Abnormal kung lalampas kapa dun. Kumbaga, yun na yung pinakalimit. Dapat ba talaga ganun kadai ang pagmomove-on ? Easier said than done. The bitterest point in Love is when the happy moments they spent with each other turns out into something they want to disremember. Oo. Part ng pagmomove-on ang KABITTER-AN ! Kaya wag kang epokrita para sabihing kailanman ay hindi ka nakaramdam ng pagka-Bitter nung naghiwalay kayo. Maliban nalang kung hindi niyo naman talaga minahal ang isaa't-isa. Trip-trip na relasyon lang kumbaga. Pero

Masarap pala sa pakiramdam na dumadaan abg isang babae sa normal na proseso ng panliligaw. Yung alam mong may isang taong nagpupursiging makuha ang loob mo. Nakikita mo yung effort niya. nararamdaman mong may malaking chance na mahulog ang loob mo sa taong yun. malinaw, klaro at hindi kailangang hulaan kung nasaang estado na kayo. Walang masyadong tanong. Alam mo kung paano kayo nagsimula, naeexpect mo ang mga turning points. May pressure, Oo, pero kaya mong i-handle. Hawak mo ang desisyon kung maglelevel-up na kayo o tuloy pa rin ba kayo sa 'getting to know each other ' stage.

I've been judged for all my life, destroyed and rebuild myself once more, put in shame and regain my confidence, and belittle by people who doesn't now anything about me but prove to them I am a better version of them. Now tell me ? Should I be weak this time? I've been through a lot of things, proved myself and stand still. These things would never make me fall down, never again. For I am strong with God's love and guidance. I'll be someone to be proud of. SOON. #SUCCESS

To Boys, "Normal nga lang ba na kahit in a relationship na kayo eh nagkakagusto pa rin kayo sa iba? ( except Artistas)" I asked my Boy Friends stand on this matter. Walang nagsasalita sa una. Nag-iisip pareho. And then after several minutes .. they said ... YES! OH EM -_- Iba ata ang inexpect ko ? Ouch! Para sa part ng mga Girls ..I feel disappointed a bit but never judge them. Nagtanong lang naman ako and I should be grateful na sinagot naman nila honestly. So nagtanong ulit ako. "Ok. Baliktarin naman natin. Since you both said YES, so ibig sabihin ayos lang din sainyo na ang Girlfriend niyo ay may magustuhan ding iba while in a relationship sainyo? For example na lang sa kaibigan niyo." "NO!!!" Hala. Automatic ang sagot ah. REALIZATIONS STRIKE!! To tell you honestly, this question came from a story I have read recently. The scenario is this, they have been in a relationship for 3 long years except pa dun sa childhood mem'ries din nila.

People come and go .. Dati pag-iniiwan o naiiwan na ako, UMIIYAK AKO. Masakit eh. Yung talikuran ka ng mga taong akala mo ay laging nasa tabi mo sa mga oras na masaya, malungkot, natatakot, nagdiriwang, nagtatampo, naglalambing, at kung anu-ano pa pero iiwan ka rin naman pala. Ilang beses na ba akong iniwan? Marami na kaya hindi na bago sa akin to. People come and go. You must learn to accept that not everyone will stay forever in your life. You must learn to be strong enough para pag-iniwan ka eh nakakatayo ka pa rin. However, value and appreciate those who stays and never left. Love those who truly cares and never surrender on you despite of your unwanted attitudes. Nobody's Perfect! kaya nga may concept ng "death" eh kasi hindi lahat ng nasa mundong ibabaw ay magsstay forever. Sabi nga, "The only permanent in this world is CHANGE." INDEPENDENT ako. Yan yung lagi kong sinasabi. It doesn't mean na nagrebelde ako sa magulang ko kaya natuto akong mag-is

I rule my own Life ! I am independent! Independently thinking. And I am thankful for having a supportive mother along the way of my development as a fine young lady :) She trusted me in making decisions. She let me decide on my own but not in a way na pinapabayaan niya na ako completely. Yeah. She's not perfect. She was a Monster in my eyes at times,growing up feeling like I've been controlled. So I became .. a Perfectionist. I became selfish, greedy, and mean. Everybody hates me in my Elementary years. An honor student who only excels in Academics, only learns the lessons written on the book, reported by my teachers and read in several books but never learned the lessons in life that living in the society tries to teach. Sometimes I feel like I devoted my childhood years gaining perfection not realizing I'm too young to deal with such mature decisions such as how am I going to be successful in life. I failed many times, afraid of what my mother would say, I invent

"But you're very lucky Shiela. You were able to experience precious feeling. You're lucky to have Renz and Renz is lucky to have you." Am i really lucky ? Ang makakita ng lalaking ka-match ko sa lahat ng bagay? Ka-mismatch ko sa lahat ng laban dahil lagi akong talo ? Maswerte nga ba ako dahil nakakita ako ng lalaking inaya akong mahalin despite my flaws? Maswerte nga ba ako dahil nakakita ako ng lalaking nanatili sa tabi ko kahit nagbabago na ako? Lalaking sinulit lahat ng pwede niyang maging role sa buhay ko? Mapa-Tatay na wala ako, Kuya na Overprotective sa only sister niya, Mortal Enemy na laging panira ng araw ko, Bestfriend na ginagawa kong Punching Bag pag-galit ako pero siya rin namang magiging Crying Shoulder ko pagtapos ko na ilabas lahat ng sama ng loob ko, at Boyfriend na kahit sobrang hirap ng Long Distance Relationship ay never kong naFeel na wala akong Boyfriend na malapit lang sa paligid ko. Maswerte nga ba ako dahil kahit sobrang manhid ko , napadam

I haven't seen this coming. I don't even expected na makakausap ko sila ng ganito. Like we are talking about dealing with relationships, proper way of treating your partner or even the smallest thing like proper way of holding a girl's hand or asking questions about your partner having a crush on other. Wow ! How grateful I am for having them. Who? My Boy and Girl Friends! They're just great people who you'll think only knows in life is to focus on their grades, being on the Dean's List or simply being .. PERFECT. Grabe ! Hanggang ngayon windang parin ako sa mga narinig ko mula sa kanila. That feeling na akala ko alam ko na lahat kasi I've been through A LOT of relationships(when I say A LOT, its really that number that you can't count alone using your two hands, XD), but then having those conversations with them last night opens me up into MORE things to be learned in dealing with relationships. The conversation just started from a joke .. from M

Messy hair, oily face, dry skin, scars and flaws I had, I'm imperfect inside and out. Short-tempered often lead into a tiger growling and a heart melting thereafter. Words that comes out in my mouth often became mistakes and regrets. I'm sorry for being like this, Imperfect and with flaws. I'm insecure, lack of confidence and don't know where I'm good in. I can't tell anybody where I am good co'z I'm afraid to be put in shame when I failed. Despite of this things, I never have imagined in my life that I'll find someone like him. He accepts me wholeheartedly, accepts me for whatever insecurities I have. I am this grateful knowing there exist a person who can kiss me on the forehead while sweat is falling, able to kiss me on the cheek when my face is so sticky and hugs me like I don't smell a foul from all the tiring day activities I've been involved in. For my boy bestfriend who would have take selfies with me when I'm at my 'h

When an almost perfect relationship end up, the blame is always put on the boy. Is that really fair ? When after all, he also has a feeling? Whether he falls out of love, cheated on her or dumped her, he one's love her too. I loved and been hurt. Give everything yet it still wasn't good enough. Felt cheated on but give trust once more. Yes ! There's a regret. I am not that fool to make myself believe I wasn't hurt after all. Yet, I listen and had prayed to God, whatever happens after this, I wish to retain the old us. Yes, I know there will always be some scars left but I realized it is the best way to keep us. After all, nothing could beat the BESTFRIENDSHIP I had with him. Still, the best memories I'll surely treasured for the rest of my life is with him. If things didn't go complicated, I'll still choose him. Yes! Tell me I'm a bitch for being so much in love with a guy who has been MARRIED NOW. He supposed to be mine. I'm supposed to be the o

I'm always OUTDATED. ALONE. Left-behind. Out of Place. Not Belonged. And always a SECOND. But what makes me standing still strong is that GOD is with me always. i feel him in many ways. He's guidance, his grace and love. I always find myself marching on my own drum, cared by people I thought would leave me when Hard times comes and Loved by someone who will never fall out of love of me whoever comes in his love. I am always blessed with the perfect timing, beauty, opportunities and courage. Atleast I have reasons to live. :) I've been tough through times. GAin confidence and self-esteem that makes me weak before. I am his Precious Daughter whatever happens. I am Loved and accompanied by his soul when I feel like no one wants to be with me. I'll survive. I have him. I know. I'll never lose any fight with him. I Love You my Lord. My Saviour. My strength and my everything. Today I offer my heart and soul into you.I'll trust and loved you. Please always

Doing what is right in sacrifice of my own happiness is the toughest decision I've ever met. I don't know how long the agony will take. The pain that never go away and I think as the day passes by it made me realize what we as a couple regret the most for not taking time ..to feel the joy of being young lovers, for not spending so much time with each other and for not being faithful and trustful at the same time. Some instances show me the reasons why we didn't end up together for a lifetime commitment but how come that my heart doesn't wanna believe it. Why is it so hard for the heart to forget? Why do destiny have to take us apart when we're very sure about our feelings and where are we going SOON? My brain understands but my heart can't accept. The fact that I've been smiling and laughing in a day is a torture. Whenever a song struck my playlist, someone's playlist or even the tricy or jeep radio is on, I feel a unbearable PAIN. So much pain I