The Minimalist Diary

As I was looking for my notes to review, a small notebook came to my attention. I remember myself having a big obsession on papers and pens that I write randomly whatever comes in my mind. I brought it here in Lomeda House remembering that I wrote lots of motivational quotes in here coming from social media sites and the books I read. Unknowingly, as I scan the pages of the notebook, a diary entry dated on the 17th of January 2016 came up. I can freshly remember how I come up to such entry. Let me share to you the story behind the notebook and some of its content. “It’s okay to lose people but never lose yourself.” The 1st page of the notebook has this quote. I have a class in the evening on that day. It was a marketing class if I am not mistaken. I didn’t come to the class even if it was just a few walks from my boarding house. Yes! I was living just in front of NCF that time. Alone, I wasted time and money going to centro buying some stuffs and groceries to stock. I went to Hon...

Friday the 13th. I started off the day feeling excited and feeling that kilig bcoz 'This is it! I'm graduating!'. I had to sleep early last night and woke up early today so I won't miss anything. And though I awaken with a pain coz by a pimple in my in my nose, I still feel alive. Pictorial goes Fun and Beautiful and Elegance flaunted inside the studio. I love the groupies, of course. We all do love groupies coz that what binds BSAs and my TROPA. On the other hand, I was feeling uneased on the inside. I know I've been lacking today. I didn't get to response quickly on messages, even that one coming from my Mom. I know its bad but please do understand that I treasure every moment I spend with my Love ones. I don't want to ruin my time with any one. I don't start up arguments. I suck at them actually. I hate them coz I know it would just awaken that 'thought' again. And so it happened. All was okay. All was fun until I was triggered to burst...

Minsan yung taong akala mo masaya at buo ay siya palang malungkot at wasak ang pagkatao. Malakas ako. Yan ang paniniwala ko. Kailangan e. Mag-isa lang ako. Kailangan kong maging matapang para sa sarili ko. Kailangan kong maging malakas para hindi ako tuluyang bumagsak. Kailangan kong matutong bumangon ng mag-isa upang hindi apak-apakan at pagtawanan ng iba. Matapang ako, Oo. Pero may hangganan din ang kakayahan ko. May hangganan din ang pasensya ko. May emosyon din ako. Tao din ako. Alam ko, alam ko hindi ako perpekto. Kailanman ay hindi magiging at ayoko dahil pakiramdam ko hindi ako yun. Masaya naman ako e. Masaya ako sa tuwing nakakatulong ako. Masaya ako kapag nakakapagbigay saya din ako. Masaya ako na nakikita kong masaya ang ibang tao. Masaya ako kapag natatamo nila ang kanilang gusto. Pero minsan naiisip ko, masaya rin ba sila para sa akin? Masaya rin ba sila pagmasaya ako? Masaya rin ba sila pagnagtatagumpay ako? O binubuhay ko lang ang mga damdamin nila upang hangarin na sira...

Don’t ever turn your back on her. She will wake up in the middle of the night sobbing uncontrollably and screaming into her pillow praying to God that the pain will end soon. She will reminisce on every single thing you two did together and it will feel like a thousand claws scratching at her throat knowing she will never get to watch the stars with you again, or make you breakfast, or fall asleep next to your warmth. Don’t leave that girl who would give up her entire world just to see you smile for one second because she will have a mental image of your smile playing on repeat inside her head and she’ll have to fight with everything in her to not call so she can see it one last time. We’re falling apart, I know. But can we keep us? At least the friendship we had if it wasn’t that selfish of me to ask?

Hi! Alam kong STALKER kita at binubuksan mo parin mga accounts ko kaya mababasa mo to.. hopefully. I don't wanna sound hypocrite and all knowing na ako naman tlga ang may kasalanan kaya we are not in good terms.. for years! :( Pero I still want you to know that no matter what happened between us, I still treasure and treat you as my great great BESTFRIEND. 7 YEARS Sungit! 7 YEARS kitang laging kaaway. 7 YEARS mo akong nabully, ... nasesermonan, nababatukan and all.. Hindi naman siguro ganun kadaling kalimutan yun diba? When half of my Life, you've been there..playing all the roles a male could be. You loathe me, I know. I'm giving you all the right to continue hating me. Ako may kasalanan kaya wala ako makausap, wala akong maiyakan, wala akong punching bag pagnagrarant na ako at wala ng kumukontra sa lahat ng sinasabi ko. Namimiss lang naman kita, Bespren. Kaaway, Tatay, Kuya, o Boyfriend man kita, ikaw parin si SUNGIT ko na tinanggap ako kahit ang pangit-pangit ko, an...

I always love the sincerity shown in actions. I don’t care about the face, the money or the fame. They are all a shallow reason for me to fall in love. I always fall into the consistency of feeling in love. I always found myself drown into the idea of being in love with a man who knows how to put an effort to make me smile, to make my knees go weak and to always take my breath away, keeping all the insanity in me scattered. The idea of feeling his breath at the side of my face, the heat behind me and the warmth I felt while enclosed inside his arms. Just that moment alone is perfect for me. How I wish we could snuggle under the stars in the sky at night telling every details of our every day and future plans. To have an unspoken agreement of being together while achieving our goals set before we had our US. I don’t know when did I start imagining things before I go to bed and wake up with the feeling of possibility of seeing you today. You got me the moment you spoke. I don’t ca...

I am a bird with broken wings. I want to fly yet I’m afraid for the hard fall once the pain strikes. I’m afraid I can’t make it through my destination and get stuck in the forest full of predators. I’m afraid I can’t fight the odds along the way, including the air that should be in my favor. I’m too afraid. Too many people watching my every step, waiting for my downfall. I’m afraid to make them happy, to give them reasons to mock me and suddenly I realized, are they my haters or my fans? They keep on waiting there, waiting so they could create a story with ending I haven’t started yet the journey. Too much attention I’m getting when they have they own lives to be fixed. Yes, I am broken. I am weak and I am imperfect but do I deserve the amount of time everyone is taking just to watch me? I pity this people. If only I could teach them to be productive at their own craft, maybe I could make the world better. I’m afraid for myself because I’m letting this people live in both my two ea...