And I think of 'it' again
Friday the 13th. I started off the day feeling excited and feeling that kilig bcoz 'This is it! I'm graduating!'. I had to sleep early last night and woke up early today so I won't miss anything. And though I awaken with a pain coz by a pimple in my in my nose, I still feel alive.
Pictorial goes Fun and Beautiful and Elegance flaunted inside the studio. I love the groupies, of course. We all do love groupies coz that what binds BSAs and my TROPA.
On the other hand, I was feeling uneased on the inside. I know I've been lacking today. I didn't get to response quickly on messages, even that one coming from my Mom. I know its bad but please do understand that I treasure every moment I spend with my Love ones. I don't want to ruin my time with any one. I don't start up arguments. I suck at them actually. I hate them coz I know it would just awaken that 'thought' again.
And so it happened.
All was okay. All was fun until I was triggered to burst out.
I think of 'it' again.
People thought I'm stronger than them. I believe it too. What you believe in, you will be. But 'depression' kills. It kills confidence, it kills a mentally perceived to be strong person.
So I cried I cried bcoz I know I need to. I cried bcoz no one seems to listen. I cried bcoz I know I'll never be the best 'Ate'. And I cried bcoz I know I need to stop. I need to stop pretending that my life is perfect. I need to fight alone. I need to dream alone bcoz no one will dream for me. No one is praying for me. And no one will always be there for me.
That's the sad reality of my life. My life seems to be perfect but it wasn't. No matter what I do, I wouldn't be respected, I wouldn't be loved and I wouldn't be having that happy relationship with him.
I get tired. I am always tired, actually. Of depending my whims and my pride and my doings. I wouldn't be appreciated, would I be? When? Coz honestly, my value is on its lowest at this point.
If lose, would everyone just be happy?
I know I'm done with this. But that's how painful it is. I can't stand the pain anymore. Its unbearable. So I think of 'it' again.
I wish I wouldn't be able to wake up by tomorrow. So people can start a new life without a 'Shiela' existing in their lives.
Pictorial goes Fun and Beautiful and Elegance flaunted inside the studio. I love the groupies, of course. We all do love groupies coz that what binds BSAs and my TROPA.
On the other hand, I was feeling uneased on the inside. I know I've been lacking today. I didn't get to response quickly on messages, even that one coming from my Mom. I know its bad but please do understand that I treasure every moment I spend with my Love ones. I don't want to ruin my time with any one. I don't start up arguments. I suck at them actually. I hate them coz I know it would just awaken that 'thought' again.
And so it happened.
All was okay. All was fun until I was triggered to burst out.
I think of 'it' again.
People thought I'm stronger than them. I believe it too. What you believe in, you will be. But 'depression' kills. It kills confidence, it kills a mentally perceived to be strong person.
So I cried I cried bcoz I know I need to. I cried bcoz no one seems to listen. I cried bcoz I know I'll never be the best 'Ate'. And I cried bcoz I know I need to stop. I need to stop pretending that my life is perfect. I need to fight alone. I need to dream alone bcoz no one will dream for me. No one is praying for me. And no one will always be there for me.
That's the sad reality of my life. My life seems to be perfect but it wasn't. No matter what I do, I wouldn't be respected, I wouldn't be loved and I wouldn't be having that happy relationship with him.
I get tired. I am always tired, actually. Of depending my whims and my pride and my doings. I wouldn't be appreciated, would I be? When? Coz honestly, my value is on its lowest at this point.
If lose, would everyone just be happy?
I know I'm done with this. But that's how painful it is. I can't stand the pain anymore. Its unbearable. So I think of 'it' again.
I wish I wouldn't be able to wake up by tomorrow. So people can start a new life without a 'Shiela' existing in their lives.
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