ANXIETY ATTACKS

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 My motor skills are now betraying me. 

Nakakapanghina. I have never been this scared until now. I don't know what I might can do in the future. I had an episode last week during my google meet with a foreign client last tuesday. I really had to pull myself together until the end of the conversation but end up crying until morning. I got scolded for not comprehending so well. It's like something inside my brain burst. I had no control over what to think next. I had been blubbering trying to stay connected even when I don't understand anymore what I am saying. I thought I am being okay now. I have something to do. I'm being busy productive and tired to get occupied. But why??? I am trying to stay alive. I am really trying to live life but it is getting harder with this thing getting inside my head. I thought I am getting better for functioning well but today ... today I made a mistake. With shaking hands, uncontrollable feelings or whatever this is.. all I can think of is what if I hurt someone beside myself? What if I have the tendency to hurt not even myself but others as well. 


Please Lord, Heal me. I'm afraid I can't go back to the corporate world with this kind of condition.

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