Triggers

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 I don't know how a short video of a friend can trigger this emotion inside of me ... envy. I am happy for her,really, but I'm wishing I could experience the same. I'm wishing I'm in a normal relationship too right now and I hate it. I hate it because I am feeling guilty of what I am feeling right now.🥺 Is it really too much to ask for more,to demand for more than I could deserve? Because I am trying .. I really am trying to understand the situation but I am having doubts already. The consistency is gone. It was like I am in a relationship but it felt lonely I am better off alone and single.


Hays. I thought this feelings were gone already. I was wrong. I just kept on justifying his actions. Maybe I should think harder this time. I am having doubts. I am having second thoughts. I am starting to feel something I shouldn't have .. regrets. It felt like I am wasting my time spending it to someone who doesn't value me as much as I value him. It felt like I am loving someone who only see me as his most convenient option. It felt like I am with someone who only sees me as a trophy to display but can easily be replaced.


I don't know dude. I don't know anymore. Is this really the kind of relationship I am willing to settle with? Is this really what I wanted?Maybe I love the person,there is no doubt with that. Pero handa ba ako sa magiging sitwasyon namin in the future knowing na hindi pa nga kami kasal pinapabayaan na ako? Baka after settling in,tuluyan ko ng maramdaman na wala na talaga siyang pake.


Am I this troubled even before? Ganito nalang ako palagi. Punong-puno ng pagdududa. Dapat tlga pinanindigan ko nalang sinabi ko kay Kuya Ted dati e. Na hindi ako magboboyfriend o mag aasawa dahil lahat naman sila gaya lang ng Tatay ko.. mang iiwan sa huli.

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