I WASN'T MYSELF FOR SO LONG AND I ONLY NOTICE IT TODAY
Blending in my society makes me think I'm doing well. Feeling loved by everyone is overwhelming. But to realize I wasn't myself for almost 7 months now is a different thing.
I am very satisfied by the things I have done and surpassed over these months of staying here. I wasn't even thinking of being able to last 3 months working in this firm but look at me now, still breathing, still fighting against rude and shallow people and still keeping my chair moving. Not that I'm bragging about this position but it got me sometimes.
THIS IS NOT ME.
I'm not the people pleaser. I don't let anyone belittle me. Hell yeah, I don't even let them speak on me. Yes, I am this b*tch madam.
Months have passed that I am blending in the environment I don't even like in the first place. But staying here makes me think I can make the difference. I made it up in mind to always give my best ability towards performing my tasks. I look at every possible way where I could take advantage of the situation to learn new things, to feel good about learning it and executing them so well that I can be considered an ASSET to the company.
My professional life is indeed on its right pace. I am paid well, treated well, and I get to manage my finances and time accordingly. But who knows I would come to this point where I am already questioning my personality I hardly built for so long?
Years ago, I had pictured myself being the sophisticated and educated, well-mannered lady that knows how to act and react to things, but years later I found myself being liked and loved by most but not feeling her future self anymore. I think I became too focused in bettering my professional life that I forgot to focus on becoming the woman I envision myself long time ago.
ReREADING my Manual could help but the execution of them is not suitable in my kind of environment right now. I am still STAGNANT. Not knowing when and how.
I only wish this thing to be over so I could get my life and being back.
I am very satisfied by the things I have done and surpassed over these months of staying here. I wasn't even thinking of being able to last 3 months working in this firm but look at me now, still breathing, still fighting against rude and shallow people and still keeping my chair moving. Not that I'm bragging about this position but it got me sometimes.
THIS IS NOT ME.
I'm not the people pleaser. I don't let anyone belittle me. Hell yeah, I don't even let them speak on me. Yes, I am this b*tch madam.
Months have passed that I am blending in the environment I don't even like in the first place. But staying here makes me think I can make the difference. I made it up in mind to always give my best ability towards performing my tasks. I look at every possible way where I could take advantage of the situation to learn new things, to feel good about learning it and executing them so well that I can be considered an ASSET to the company.
My professional life is indeed on its right pace. I am paid well, treated well, and I get to manage my finances and time accordingly. But who knows I would come to this point where I am already questioning my personality I hardly built for so long?
Years ago, I had pictured myself being the sophisticated and educated, well-mannered lady that knows how to act and react to things, but years later I found myself being liked and loved by most but not feeling her future self anymore. I think I became too focused in bettering my professional life that I forgot to focus on becoming the woman I envision myself long time ago.
ReREADING my Manual could help but the execution of them is not suitable in my kind of environment right now. I am still STAGNANT. Not knowing when and how.
I only wish this thing to be over so I could get my life and being back.
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