2 Years of Nothing

Today is May 9, 2017. I was imagining before that in 2 years we’ll gonna’ pass that ‘Just Friends’ status but look at us now, feeling strangers to each other, being civil and don’t care about disappointing the expectations of people around us. Pathetic how I found myself secretly stealing glances of you when you’re not looking. Assuming as I may sound, I caught you doing the same. Haha.

I don’t really understand why you didn’t even make a move on me. You once said, “umiibig ako”, attached herewith is my picture. You’re always confusing me, may it your actions or your words. You always ignore me when I’m the one approaching you, but found you being pissed off and hurt (according to my brother) when I’m the one ignoring you. You’re being jealous when I’m at someone’s crib having fun and all, posting a group photo with other boys but you are not telling me to stop. Damn you boy for always confusing the hell out of me.

Miles apart with no communication and living life, separately! That’s maybe our destiny. Aren’t we supposed to be together when everyone tells us to? Nah! It’s you and me who needs to realize that it is not always about the compatibility but the consistency. How will I know that you are sincere when all you have shown is you can live without me? That I am just someone you want to be with when you want to? When all I do is to wait until you approach me and talk to me? I ‘ve given chance, enough I think to let you do what you have to do but what happen? It took me 2 years to finally gave up the possibility of having an US. I always give reservations to those who pursue, castigating myself that someone is waiting for me but here I am flirting with some random guys.

I get tired, of waiting and planning my future with you. I get tired of being good at everything in preparation of finally having you. I’ve done enough chasing though it is not really my thing ‘to chase’, and though it is degrading on my part thinking maybe you are just waiting for me to be the first to approach you. You ignored me several times already but I learned to be patient and wait til you’re okay and again ready to tell me how beautiful I am in your eyes. I am always beautiful in your eyes. I can still remember how there’s no day we met that you never said that and make me feel the jitters around. How I miss you can’t be measured. No single time of the day I don’t think about you.

As the time goes by, I just realize how deep my love has grown for you, how I manage to love you without your presence and physical contact, how I always found myself daydreaming about you.

SM, I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU.

Are you aware? I know you are. Will you take me or you’re just going to leave without even saying a good bye or what I wish for so long .. “I LOVE YOU TOO,ASH! ”That I am waiting for the whole 2 years of pretending to be in love with someone else when it is always YOU.

P.S I wish to find the courage to say these things to you before you bid your goodbye. Don’t worry, I won’t stop you. I just want to have a peace of mind after having ‘2 Years of Nothing’.