Pseudo-Relationship
"We may be in a pseudo-relationship but my feelings for you were real."
I once quoted after the days of being indenial, fear overpowered desires and while my philosophy in life contradicts the situation.
But I take the risk with you.
I get tired standing firm with my decision knowing what my heart wants from the very start. I get tired pretending to be a good friend willing to give you the advice a good friend will supply when your heart is falling apart, when all I am is a 'lover' wanting to collect the shattered pieces of your broken heart and try to fix it or just accept it as it is.
Too risky.
To fall in love to a man who is imprisoned in the past. To try entering a heart whom is owned by someone else. To take advantage of his vulnerability by taking chances by pursuing. To play damn fool making herself believe that he'll see your worth in the near future. To fall in love to a man who's so much in love to his first love you don't know if he'll move on or he'll just keep on waiting or hope for a second chance. Despite this unfortunate fact, I know I'll keep waiting coz I know you deserve better. You are an ideal. You don't see that within yourself. I pity you for that. I pity you when all you have to believe is its you who lack in the relationship. Wishful thinking, a second chance will be given and you are very willing to give your all the next time when in fact it's her who lose you. She's the one who gave up on you easily after those 4 years of being together. She's the one who didn't give value to that long-term relationship. She's the one who cheated on you! When will you realize that ? I guess you already did. You just can't accept it.
I hate regrets.
The reason I jumped into the notion of falling in love to a broken man. I make you laigh, I make you forget that your heart were once broken, we talked like there's no tomorrow, I hear your sentiments in life, how I motivate you to keep moving forward until you like me. I know but LIKE is so much different from love. And when you said that 3 magic words, believe me but I don't buy it. Yes, I admit to feel the same attraction towards you but the feeling of falling in love in you is indifferent. You may be good for my liking but I reserve more love for myself so I won't be destroyed once more. That's what I have learned from my past experience.
The only difference.
When I said that I have a feeling for you, it was real. I do fall in love with you. I don't remember when, I don't know how, I Just did. When you did tell me I make you happy, I already knew. I am just someone who could make you happy but couldn't make you love me as much as I want you to. You drifted the blame when we broke up. Telling I'm not yet over my past when I'm very sure the moment I said my YES, I'm so over him. You're an asshole. (Sorry for this line but you deserve it.)
Making me feel guilty.
You are a man a girl would want to have. Too much for my liking that I thought I deserve you. So to have no regrets, I said YES! I did my part as a good girlfriend, you tried your best to do your boyfriend duties too -- somewhat I made myself believe it was all real. It was a fleeting feeling to feel love and be loved, but illusion has to come to an end. Making me feel guilty when taking the risk of being with you was already too much. Blaming me for not moving on from my past when it was the issue I didn't brag at you is just too much. Now, I thank God for not letting me be drowned in the feeling. It's true that when you fall in love hard and be broken, the moment you get up and go back into track and someone has to make a move at you, you are already guarded. You don't fall easily to the same bait.
I once quoted after the days of being indenial, fear overpowered desires and while my philosophy in life contradicts the situation.
But I take the risk with you.
I get tired standing firm with my decision knowing what my heart wants from the very start. I get tired pretending to be a good friend willing to give you the advice a good friend will supply when your heart is falling apart, when all I am is a 'lover' wanting to collect the shattered pieces of your broken heart and try to fix it or just accept it as it is.
Too risky.
To fall in love to a man who is imprisoned in the past. To try entering a heart whom is owned by someone else. To take advantage of his vulnerability by taking chances by pursuing. To play damn fool making herself believe that he'll see your worth in the near future. To fall in love to a man who's so much in love to his first love you don't know if he'll move on or he'll just keep on waiting or hope for a second chance. Despite this unfortunate fact, I know I'll keep waiting coz I know you deserve better. You are an ideal. You don't see that within yourself. I pity you for that. I pity you when all you have to believe is its you who lack in the relationship. Wishful thinking, a second chance will be given and you are very willing to give your all the next time when in fact it's her who lose you. She's the one who gave up on you easily after those 4 years of being together. She's the one who didn't give value to that long-term relationship. She's the one who cheated on you! When will you realize that ? I guess you already did. You just can't accept it.
I hate regrets.
The reason I jumped into the notion of falling in love to a broken man. I make you laigh, I make you forget that your heart were once broken, we talked like there's no tomorrow, I hear your sentiments in life, how I motivate you to keep moving forward until you like me. I know but LIKE is so much different from love. And when you said that 3 magic words, believe me but I don't buy it. Yes, I admit to feel the same attraction towards you but the feeling of falling in love in you is indifferent. You may be good for my liking but I reserve more love for myself so I won't be destroyed once more. That's what I have learned from my past experience.
The only difference.
When I said that I have a feeling for you, it was real. I do fall in love with you. I don't remember when, I don't know how, I Just did. When you did tell me I make you happy, I already knew. I am just someone who could make you happy but couldn't make you love me as much as I want you to. You drifted the blame when we broke up. Telling I'm not yet over my past when I'm very sure the moment I said my YES, I'm so over him. You're an asshole. (Sorry for this line but you deserve it.)
Making me feel guilty.
You are a man a girl would want to have. Too much for my liking that I thought I deserve you. So to have no regrets, I said YES! I did my part as a good girlfriend, you tried your best to do your boyfriend duties too -- somewhat I made myself believe it was all real. It was a fleeting feeling to feel love and be loved, but illusion has to come to an end. Making me feel guilty when taking the risk of being with you was already too much. Blaming me for not moving on from my past when it was the issue I didn't brag at you is just too much. Now, I thank God for not letting me be drowned in the feeling. It's true that when you fall in love hard and be broken, the moment you get up and go back into track and someone has to make a move at you, you are already guarded. You don't fall easily to the same bait.
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