A Broken Piece

God knows how I want to have a good relationship with my brother but it seems like it was the hardest thing to achieve in my life. I can deal with my nagger mother, learned to listen inspite my hate for the topic being discussed, how I hate seeing how insecure she is to others and how she can't move on from the past. I already learned to love her imperfections but my brother's evilness, I just can't. Am I to blame for all of this? Is this my karma ? Am I not a good 'Ate' ? I've tried. God knows how I tried so hard to be good, to be the best Ate I can be to him. Am I this bad to deserve this? Of all people I've known, he's the one I'm expecting to care. The one I should be counting on things I cannot handle. He should be the one protecting me yet I found him the greatest rival I would have to deal for a lifetime.

I'm getting tired. Getting tired of being disrespected, getting tired of not believing in, getting tired of dealing with such evilness. I don't deserve this kind of treatment. I know my worth. Is he this happy seeing me suffer? Seeing me exhausted and devastated? Is he really a human for having a stone heart for her big sister? I'm tired of everything. I have a lot of plans for him. With him. And yet, I'm losing my courage to continue dreaming. I pray for his sake, for his goodness, for his dreams and what am I receiving in return? A bad mouth, a fight that never ends,a poke that hurts, an insult below the belt ? What does he expects? I'm a robot without feelings?

I'm in pain. So much pain I think I would break down anytime soon. I don't want to talk anymore. It would just start a fight again. He would bring it to the level it shouldn't be.I'm weak. Getting weaker each day. And he doesn't even notice that.

One day, I'll leave. When I'm sure he can already stand on his own. I just wish he misses me too. That's all I wish for the last time.