The Minimalist Diary

Dear Love, I'm sleeping tonight with a heavy heart knowing that I let you sleep without clarifying things especially the one you most needed to hear. I've been a coward. Sobrang mahal na kita to the point that I'm thinking how long I could keep you. I know you feel that I'm still having doubts about your feelings. I tested you and I honestly expected you to disappoint me but it turns out I'm disappointing myself. I have doubted your love for me when it was my heart that is needed to be assessed. I'm sorry Love. I'm sorry if I'm lacking affections towards you. I'm sorry if I'm keeping secrets from you. I'm sorry if I am always doubting your love for me, for I am always afraid to come to the point ( or this point) na sure akong mahal na kita ng sobra and comes out hindi parin pala ikaw. Natatakot nnaman ako Love. Natatakot ako na baka mg-assume ako na ikaw na nga tapos hindi parin pala. I've been there and NEVER WOULD I WISH that to h...

When you know you're no longer a priority? I guess I should've been used to this long time ago. It's been years yet it still haunts me. "You'll never find someone who will love you like I do." And I guess that became my curse. I'll never have that kind of man again in my life. People will judge but I started not caring. I felt love but I decided not to entertain the feeling more. My whole system have been mess since that day I say "I'm tired. I wanna end this up" when in reality I wanna scream "I still want you in my life!" And I accepted my faith. I'll always be taken-for-granted. A friend will always scold me for being that smart girl who knows a thing but would still pursue until she gets tired of it. I guess I am that coward enough to admit that I mess things up, so badly. Who cares? I'm done. So much done with Boys playing over my feelings that I decided to play with them too. When I get tired, someday hopef...

People nowadays follow the footsteps of who they associate their life with or who they follow most on social media, forgetting to realize that they could be someone else. Someone better, someone's story who's more inspiring and someone who mark in people's lives without being a copy of their idols. I've been very observant this past few months. I became so very open to people I thought I could depend my life on, whom I can trust and feel free to open my sensitivities with but comes out, I've been wronged. Being an introvert is not a joke but people nowadays use that word as if its a good thing to be trending. It is a trait, a personality one must consider and give respect to. I'm never been one of those who outcast to the world how I suffer bcoz of this trait. And now that I'm out of my shell, my own world that I created before, my safe haven, I'm happy to announce that somehow I'm no longer that girl who used to be misunderstood bcoz of that tra...

Semi-Annual. 2017 Highlights. Trying to recall what this year have done to me, what significant events I've been in and how I'll end this year brought me into tears. I don't know if this is out of happiness, loneliness, sadness or all of the above. Just when I posted my need for a new planner for 2018, I decided to flip the pages of my current planner which happen to be a diary-sometime. Tears started streaming down my face the moment the 'Address List' shown the names of individuals I consider for keeps and I'll treasure for the rest of my life. With their infos (Name, Address, Mobile, Birthday and Email), I choose to label them by categories (e.g TROPA, Baks & Mga Pare), Friendships (Schoolmates in High School), For Keeps (Bestfriends for years, 5years+), and Close Friends. And just when I thought everything was 'Okay', I am saddened by the fact that not all of them 'Stay'. 😢 I have this lump in my throat upon realizing I wasn'...

I am not perfect but I'm happy and contented. Contented in a way that I feel grateful in every blessings that came in my life. I have goals and I believe that God's perfect timing will always the best. I wouldn't question that. I take things slowly but surely. I am not the smartest nor the dumbest and stupidest. I've made mistakes but I am forgiven. I've been hurt but through time, I heal and forgotten the cause of it. Life is so full of surprises. From that little girl that whines everytime I don't get what I want to the lady of today who accepted the fact that 'Life is cruel!", I am proud of what I become. I accepted that not everyone will like me but it is not my obligation to please them. I change because I want to and it is for the better but not to the point that I've forgotten my self worth. A balance life between Academics, Social Life and Spiritual aspect is all that I wanted. I am happy that I rebuild my confidence and strong bond with...

Medyo seryoso ang blog post na to. Just to inform you. "Hindi lahat ng tao magugustuhan ka. Matuto kang tanggapin yun. Isinilang ka sa mundong ito para maging mabuti at paglingkuran ang Panginoon mong Diyos hindi para maging mabuti sa paningin ng iba sa paraang nakakalimutan mo na kung sino ka." Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan ang entry na to. Ang tanging malinaw lang sa akin ay "Nalulungkot ako at napipighati." Ipinapanalangin na lamang sa Ama lahat ng hindi ko kayang isaad gamit ang mga salita. Alam niya na iyon. Alam kong batid niya ang laman ng aking puso. Ayokong manisi. Ayokong mabuhay muli sa poot at galit. Hindi na ako yun. Kinalimutan ko na ang yugto ng buhay ko kung saan ay puno ng kalungkutan at galit. Subalit tao parin naman ako. Nakakaramdam pa rin. Nakakalungkot lang na may mga taong kahit wala ka namang masamang intensyon ay pilit na pinapalabas na masama ka o may pansarili kang interes. Hindi lahat ng sinasabi ko ay para ma...

This is not to be selfish but just a reminder to be an original. I once said before to someone na "Nakakapagod kasi magpanggap. Nakakapagod maging perfect . Yung gusto kong gawin ang isang bagay pero masisira ang image ko at ng magulang ko. At hindi ako masaya sa ginagawa ko." From that day on I urge myself to have the courage to be someone I want to be. This is Me  ng Camp Rock ang naging theme song ng buhay ko noon. Mahirap sa umpisa dahil sanay ako na iniisip muna ang sasabihin ng iba sa lahat ng gagawin ko. Takot ako na maging iba kaya kahit hindi ko gusto, nakikiuso ako. Trying hard to be accepted ika nga. I want the society's approval. Yun nga lang, hindi ako masaya. So I created a world where everyone could see my development and growth as a person. I decline most of the time to invitations that could lead me into pretending again. The virtual world opens me the opportunity to express myself freely. I don't really know myself before. I am a product of b...

Blogging becomes a habit when I don't have anyone to talk to. These past few days staying in the executive house seems to be so relax that I think we really forget most of the times our primary goal in entering this house. Hindi ako magmamalinis. I know that I've been fond of those activities as well. Playing badminton, UNO, daily exercise routines, movie marathons, playing the piano and chitchats. It's hard to say NO and have the gut to say "Guys! Focus!" when everyone is having fun. But then, 2 weeks had passed and I think the enjoyment of being free from household chores, nagging parents, noisy and irritating siblings seems to be the top priority. When its 10pm already and there's still a pair or two who's playing Badminton and a group of 5 or more yelling out of joy because they've won the game is a normal thing? Hays. I don't wanna ruin their moments but I am saddened by the fact that WE ALMOST FORGET. 😢 Tryin' not to b...

I don't know how this feeling inside me began to envade my confidence and trust to anyone including myself. I can't help but question every motives and impression towards me. I started to feel threaten everytime someone has to do bad or offending to me. I tried to stop this paranoia for I know this is not healthy. Losing faith and confidence to everyone is consuming my whole being. The security of having someone to stand by me seems to be the utmost qualification to every single person who wants to enter my world. I'm aloof, a closed-case and off limits to anyone who wants to break me. I started to build boundaries when someone started to make me feel unworthy of their attention and response. I respond to people depending on how they make me feel. It sucks to think of them all the time but it become a habit to me observing them,listening to them and formulating judgments base on the sequence of their actions. I guess I really had a lot of choices in choosing my field of int...