You’re losing me ..

February 25, 2023.

Someone chat me on Teams ..
“San kana? Kapeng-kape na ako.”

It was 10'o clock already in the morning. I was on my way to the office.

At the back of my head.

I didn’t know. Someone is waiting for me.

Because it was always me. The one who waits .. patiently.

Calmly and understandingly.

We did get our coffee. DUNKN. Spanish Latte.

It was always the same order. No need to mention. He knows my coffee order.

And we started yapping about work and family stuffs.

Again, at the back of my head.

Alam niya kaya na mahilig ako sa kape? Kasi ilang taon narin kami pero never pa ako dinala sa coffee shop or nilibre ng kape kahit nagpaparinig na ako. :(

I had to erase that thought in my head right away.

Comparing two different men. One I’m in a relationship with and one I only knew a year ago.

Nawala ako that day. Holiday kasi, bakit may pasok ako?

I left my phone in the office.

I walked to the mall. Impulsively, I got my piercings. Helix and Upper lobe.

When I came back, he asked. “San ka nanggaling? Nag order kami ng kape. Di ka sumasagot sa chat.” 

Shocks! Oo nga pala. Naiwan ko phone ko.

Andami niya ngang chat. Di alam if oorder para sakin. At least naalala ako.

At the back of my mind,

“Ako kaya naaalala niya pa?”

It’s been hardly 9 months since we last spoke. Nagchat Mama niya. Nakausap raw siya. Di raw ba nagparamdam sakin? “Hindi po e.” then forwarded the photos he sent to update her.

I don’t know what to feel in that moment. No birthday greetings, no monthsary greetings, no anniversary, Christmas and New Year’s greetings. Nine months with nothing. It’s as if nakakulong ako sa relasyon na ako nalang pala ang nandoon.

Then someone approached me. It was the coffee guy.

“May nagbago sayo! AH! Nagpahikaw ka. Kaya ka pala nawala kanina. Masakit?”

He noticed. Even that tiny detail I hide in my ear, he noticed.

That someone raised my standards. Someone listened to my yapping and treated me so well. Someone made me feel everything I was looking for in the man I am in a relationship with. We didn’t end up together, but that someone taught me not to settle for less anymore and to keep my walls high after that.

That day, I prayed to God and decided to move on. When he came back, I’ll ended things with us. I shouldn’t have stayed that long without assurance and commitment.