The Minimalist Diary

"9. You can make things happen alone. You can get your dream job or buy that house or travel to this country without anyone’s help or approval. When you are growing up without being committed to someone, you truly have the world in your hands and you can just do whatever you want and become whoever you want. Being independent is a wonderful thing that will make you rich in so many ways. In this day and age, being single is actually a privilege — depending on the way you look at it." (c) Idol Queen

When I learn to feel, I learn to distance myself to people who's not giving importance to my existence. I learn to value the things that came from my own hardwork. I learn to keep my thoughts as private as I can because I know they wouldn't care too when I share. I learned to be patient when someone is trying to delay my success in appearance and good faith. I learned not to mind those people who's making me feel small and I have learned to love myself when I feel like no one is there to make me feel that I'm not alone. I learned to be in a world full of laughter, adventures and hype with my own self. It's kinda crazy, Yes. But that is when I found my kind of peacefulness in my soul. Only God knows how I struggle the pain of being alone, alone.

Were too young to get stuck on such mature decision. But we have been. Being engage in a wrong relationship is such a big decision. I never consider what we had a big MISTAKE. We just felt LOVE and LOVE has never been wrong with the right person. The only thing that I regret is when I Let go of you. Letting you go and forcing you to marry her. I regret giving you a NO CHOICE but to consider marrying her. I just know at that moment that it is the right thing to do. But after listening to someone's story that kinda replicates what we had before made me regret, BIG TIME. I don't know. I'm confused. Did I really made the right decision? Or just make things WORSE for us? ARGH. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not a 19 year-old lady for being so serious with this regards. Who will not ? When everything that happened is not a joke! It's real and yet, I'm no longer that little girl who'll let a toy be given to someone when I feel like I don't like it anymore. Besi...

Ilang buwan na mula ng huli akong nagsulat. Sobrang dami na ng nangyari pero pakiramdam ko pare-pareho lang naman. Walang special. Napakaordinary. Usual days kumbaga. Yung gigising ako ng mag-aalas dos ng umaga tapos tatanungin ko ang sarili ko, "tatawag kaya siya?" tapos marerealize ko, WALA NA NGA PALA SIYA. Aww. Nakakabaliw. SOBRA! Kasi gustuhin ko man paniwalain ang sarili ko na tapos na, ang plastik ko kung sasabihin kong hindi na ako umaasa. Andami na ding nagbago sakin. Una, mahaba na ang buhok ko. Dati-rati naman pagkaalumaabot na sa dibdib ko ay pinapaputol ko na agad. Hindi ako komportable sa mahabang buhok. Mainit. At alam mo yun. Ewan ko ba! Reklamo ako ng reklamo na mainit at mahirap imaintain pero di ko parin magawang ipaputol. Patunay na ang haba na din ng panahon ang ginugugol ko sa pag-iyak gabi-gabi at sa paghihintay ng tamang panahon para tuluyan na talagang maghilom yung sugat sa puso ko. Ikalawa, nawala na din yung gana kong mangarap. Dati-rati naman ...

Ang pagmomove-on daw ay paghihintay sa isang panahon na hindi mo alam kung kailan darating. Walang specific method. Walang definite date. Walang kasiguraduhan. Kaya sa mga taong nagsasabing KAARTEHAN nalang yan kung abutin ka pa ng taon sa pagmomove-on, siguro ay mababaw lang yung LOVE na naibigay niyo para sa isa't-isa para masabing madali lang ang pagmomove-on. Sabi nga rin sa Psychology class namin before, with a span of 3 weeks ay dapat moved on kana. Abnormal kung lalampas kapa dun. Kumbaga, yun na yung pinakalimit. Dapat ba talaga ganun kadai ang pagmomove-on ? Easier said than done. The bitterest point in Love is when the happy moments they spent with each other turns out into something they want to disremember. Oo. Part ng pagmomove-on ang KABITTER-AN ! Kaya wag kang epokrita para sabihing kailanman ay hindi ka nakaramdam ng pagka-Bitter nung naghiwalay kayo. Maliban nalang kung hindi niyo naman talaga minahal ang isaa't-isa. Trip-trip na relasyon lang kumbaga. Pero...

Masarap pala sa pakiramdam na dumadaan abg isang babae sa normal na proseso ng panliligaw. Yung alam mong may isang taong nagpupursiging makuha ang loob mo. Nakikita mo yung effort niya. nararamdaman mong may malaking chance na mahulog ang loob mo sa taong yun. malinaw, klaro at hindi kailangang hulaan kung nasaang estado na kayo. Walang masyadong tanong. Alam mo kung paano kayo nagsimula, naeexpect mo ang mga turning points. May pressure, Oo, pero kaya mong i-handle. Hawak mo ang desisyon kung maglelevel-up na kayo o tuloy pa rin ba kayo sa 'getting to know each other ' stage.

I've been judged for all my life, destroyed and rebuild myself once more, put in shame and regain my confidence, and belittle by people who doesn't now anything about me but prove to them I am a better version of them. Now tell me ? Should I be weak this time? I've been through a lot of things, proved myself and stand still. These things would never make me fall down, never again. For I am strong with God's love and guidance. I'll be someone to be proud of. SOON. #SUCCESS