The Minimalist Diary

 Nasa punto ako ngayon ng buhay ko na hindi ko na alam ang gagawin.. I am lost again in my train of thoughts. I am actually reading .. pero lumilipad ang utak ko. Siguro kasi naHIT nnaman yung soft spot ko.. yung pamilya ko. Nasaktan nnaman ako ng sarili kong pamilya. 💔 Hindi ko rin alam e kung bakit sa dinami dami ng pananakit nila hindi parin ako namamanhid. Ilang araw ko nnaman kaya to didibdibin? Hanggang kelan ko kelangan patunayan ang sarili ko? Hanggang kelan nila ako ippressure na ibigay ang mga bagay na hindi ko kaya ibigay? Pagod na ako. Kinakaya ko lang. Kasi sa isip ko "Malapit naman na matapos. Konti nalang. Konti nalang .. ako naman." Pero hindi e. Parang di nauubos. Parang laging may kulang. Parang gusto ko nalang maglaho. Sobrang pressured ko. Di ko alam kung bakit di nila nakikita yun. Napapagod din naman ako. Pero wala akong choice e. May pangarap ako para sa sarili ko. Pangarap ko ring maibangon ang sarili ko. Gusto ko rin makatravel. Gusto ko rin magkaroo...

 I used to believe in God's time but now I would say, "Take action and pray. He will guide you to the right destination." For the last 4 years of my career, I have been struggling in finding the right fit for me. I didn't take them seriously because I am not the kind of person to get too attached to people at work most especially to a kind of work I don't enjoy doing. I love Accounting. I was surprised actually to love it after graduation. Prior to enrolment to the course, all I have in mind is "This is the fastest way towards the dream ..my ladder to law school." That was the ultimate dream. After graduation and landing ny first job as an internal audit, I got in love with accounting. Unfortunately, the company did not regularise me. I understand. I chose to go to Pampanga without their permission. It was a very crucial decision. It tainted my record but I did not regret it. Never I had regret it. That was when I realised I wasn't fit to a job that ...

  This day has been so tiring. I am hating the fact that I can't really go on the day as planned. The things I can't control annoyed me that I just want to throw myself in the river. As much as I wanted to move on with my life with a brand new hope that I could finish what needs to be done right away, I am feeling stuck with the thoughts in my head. "Be contented and be grateful." That was the line that keeps on playing in my head last night. They say in order to be happy you have to be contented. You have to be grateful. Maybe this is the thing that is lacking for the past months. Ever since I started working again, I feel pressured to make "bawi" with the year that has been lost trying to figure out what I really want to do with my life. I want to put everything in place. I want to have control over my life again. I want a lot of things that sometimes I feel like I am not living the present. I am pressured to live a life in the future. I tried to be pres...