The Minimalist Diary

It has been a rough week for me. I shed so many tears, heartaches, pain and disappointments. I tried my very best to remain tough and kind but to an extent, I'm still human. I am weak. Thankfully, my faith in him is stronger than my emotions. Saturday. I ruin my own schedule. Originally, I had to attend to a duty early in the morning but to my surprise, I'm not well when I woke up. Hours later, I'm in a lot of pain already. Then it hit me. It's the time of the month already. Happily accepted my situation and feeling thankful it came right in time but I had to endure the pain. But then the pain becomes unbearable. I cried and prayed to ease the pain but I already suspected that this is another condition other than simply dysmenorrhea. Let's skip that part where I confirmed my expectations. Accepted the condition my OB told me, I decided to come into my senses and do what I gotta do like nothing happened. Internally, I'm breaking and scared. Of course...

Someday, I'll have someone I can call a bestfriend other than just a boyfriend. Someday, I will have someone to tell the world I'm his girl. Someday, I'll have someone who gonna post my day with our hands interwined. Someday, I'll have someone whose DP is my fave selfie. Someday, I will have someone who'll tease me too in public on how much he is proud to have me as his girl. Someday, I will have someone who will also call me as his "Panata". And someday, I will have that happiness that I deserve too. It's never too late for a happy romance. Just be patient Ash. :) You'll have yours.

1st of July. Tweet Post: "I'm not okay." Sometimes admitting that you're sad, you're not totally fine and you're hurting is helping. Sometimes you have to remember that you are flawed, you are human and you make mistakes. For the past days, I'm scared. No regrets, just scared. And I wish, I have the courage to tell someone. I would like to talk to my Ate Carla but I'm thinking maybe she's tired and she doesn't have time but would like to try. At least. I'm scared, not because I'm afraid of the judgments of people around me but of the consequences I would face once it was real. And I hate to admit it was a mistake. Now, I'm all alone in my own misery. Alone because nobody cares coz nobody knows. I'm still scared. I'm still doubtful. I'm still damaged. And I'm still crying myself at night until I get to sleep. It was hard. So hard to promote self-love and self-care when you're still in the proces...