The Minimalist Diary

  "I reminded myself that a beginning and an ending are two different places, and, in real life, you might be able to make your own ending, whatever had gone before." - Stephanie Butland, Lost For Words I started off the day(actually yesterday) not that good. My brother lost money ..while outside the house. I lost money during a failed online money bank transfer TWICE. 😑 But later that day... received 83 Messages Inquiries on my shop! Sold to more than 5 people of 15pcs+ items at different mode of payments. Due to the high volume of messages I wasn't able to answer one by one, I need to open my Shopee Shop for a faster checkout. And before sleeping, found out that I now got 1.4k Followers on the page! 😯😯 Bet yesterday isn't that bad huh?! #FinishedStrong 💪 #FinishedEpic 🤗

 2nd entry for the day.. I just need to burst this out. I'm starting my year with a heavy heart because the people whom served as my inspiration in striving hard and being a good person are the people who brings so much pain in me. It is then I realized that I am more than happy being away from what I consider my own family. I can't find to smile genuinely around everyone. I can't breath properly when they're around. My heart is constricting every word they said because I then now realized they only see me when I have something. They only see my worth when I bring honor and material things to them. I don't have them when darkness, failures, downsides and sadness comes. I am no one's favorite. I am all alone when I am not worthy to them. It is only fair to say strangers loved me more than they do at times like this, when I have nothing to be proud of, nothing to give them anymore. I am barely a living creature surviving to please people who don't love me. Pat...

 Dumating na ako sa point ng relasyon namin na alam kong 'ako na' ang mas nagmamahal at natatakot nanaman ako na maubos dahil dito. Paano ko isasalba ang sarili ko sa pagkasira? Ayoko na ulit. Ayoko na ulit na maranasan ang mga nangyari noon na sumira halos ng buong pagkatao ko. Ayoko na. Pagod na ako. Sana pala hindi nalang.. Sana pala pinigilan ko nalang sarili ko na magmahal ulit. Sana pala inenjoy ko nalang sarili kong company , nagpakaintrovert at nagfocus sa career and wealth goals ko edi sana hindi nnaman ako nag iisip ng kung anu-ano. Natatakot ako sa mga possibilities na pwedeng mangyari after ng training niya, pagnakauwi na siya. May pagbabago ba? Mahal niya parin kaya aq ng totoo? Nagsawa kaya siya sa LDR Set up namin at naghanap ng iba? Ayos pa ba kami? Okay pa kaya kami? Hays. Andaming tanong pero walang sasagot kasi tanging siya lang ang makakasagot. Nararamdaman ko na ang panlalamig, ang pag-iiba ng pakikitungo. Wala na akong maramdamang takot mula sakanya na bak...

 I'm starting to doubt myself again. I'm doubting my feeling and decision. Afraid that I might lose someone again for feeling this. I'm a coward. I've been a coward before and I think I'm being one again this time. I love him just like I loved Sungit before but I am also afraid for what is in store for us. I don't know his intentions, I don't have any ideas of his plans and what is it we are looking forward in the future. I always wonder where I am right now in his life but all of that wonders started to fade away the moment I hear his voice and read his chats/text. I am very confused as to what to do with feeling unsure. I know I want everything to be clear between us because if not, I might get lose of my grip again TO HIM this time. I am so used of letting go of someone since I lost him. I don't know. They say it's a reflex or a defense mechanism since I don't want to feel that pain again. I reread OUR story. The main reason I am feeling all t...